I wanted to share some personal news with you, and a bit of the story that lead to this change.
If you’ve shared any correspondence with me lately, you may have noticed that I’m using a new personal name.
Throughout my life I’ve passed through several rites and ceremonies during which I’ve been received new names. When I was born, I was named Karl Edward Martin. I first received a new name when I accepted the first five Buddhist precepts (sīla) when I married - Nāsho.
When I received novice ordination in 1999, I received the name Eshū, and as a priest, this is the name that I’ve used for 26 years. I never legally changed my name to Eshū, it didn’t seem important to me at the time to do so, and everyone in my life - aside from the CRA - was happy to use this name.
In 2013, I was acknowledged in ceremony as a full-priest (Osho) and Dharma Teacher (Zenji), and received a teaching name - Kōsen. This is a name that is really only used in formal Zen ceremonies, and I continued to be called Eshū.
Many traditions around the world include naming practices and ceremonies, and through my own experiences, I can say that it is an incredibly potent practice.
Names have power. They act as vessels that contain all of the thoughts, feelings, experiences, and perspectives that together comprise “identity”. Taking on, or receiving a new name at a significant transition point in ones life offers an opportunity to transform in powerful ways.
Like a snake shedding an old skin that has grown too small and too brittle, a new name can be like a fresh, more spacious container, in which we can ask, “who will I choose to be now?” One of my teachers likened it to being given a new pair of shoes that are several sizes too big, and it is our calling to grow into them.
For those of you who have been connected with me for some time, you’re likely aware of my growing engagement with the Gaelic community. In that community, I’ve become known as Teàrlach (which is the closest representation of Karl in Gaelic - although it’s actually a totally unrelated name).
For me the past 5 years have been a very deep, at times painful, and comprehensive time of passage, and last autumn, it felt clear that it was time for another shift. I filed the paperwork and began the process to legally change my name.
I took Teàrlach as my first/given name (pronounced "tchar-lakh"). It’s a simplification of an ancient Gaelic name - "Toirdhealbhach" which means “instigator”.
I legally took on Eshū as a middle name. It’s so much a part of me now, that it seemed appropriate to include it. I also wanted to give people who have known me for many years an easy option, because Teàrlach is a tricky name for English only speakers to get their mouths around. (My teachers have variously interpreted Eshū to mean “surpassing wisdom” and “abundant gifts of the heart/mind”).
I wanted to honour my mother’s lineage as well, and because she had no brothers, and I am the only son in the line, a took on her surname Kilgour, as my own surname.
I also wanted to maintain a connection to my father’s lineage, and to my own children and so I kept Martin as a second middle name.
The logistical process of legally changing my name took a long time, and is a much more involved process than I ever imagined. Even so, now, having replaced every piece of ID and innumerable calls, emails and letters, I can share that my full legal name is Teàrlach Eshū Martin Kilgour.
You are welcome to continue calling me Eshu if that’s more comfortable for you, and if you’d like to give Teàrlach a try, I’d be happy to help you with pronunciation the next time we speak.
If you’re still reading, thank you for taking the time. I suppose what is most important for me to share is that - transformation is a practice that never really stops when you commit to stepping onto the path of transformation. There is no such thing as being too old, or too stuck, or too anything… you can always choose engage the process of transformation.
For me, transformation isn’t something that I simply talk or preach about. I don’t only offer guidance to others so that they can transform. I am personally committed to the never-ending path of transformation in my own life - and I’d be honoured to have your company along the path.
le meas (with respect),
Teàrlach Eshū